I really loved this girl once. My inner life and my behavior were extremely unstable at that time. She was physically stunning, charming, bright - but only on good days. On bad days she was horribly alcoholic. She went on drug binges. She'd prostitute herself if she had to. She was the most severe type of bipolar person I've ever had any knowledge of. In addition she had massive other personality issues.

She came in and out of my life as she wished for about two years. I went through unbelievable pain, yet I stayed with her.

During that same period of time there was another woman who had severe issues with depression and a pathological distrust of people. The relationship caused incredible strain on me and on my relationship with my kids - but I stayed.

In both cases I was sure I was deeply in love and nobody would ever want me the same way again. So I hung on for dear life - despite the fact that it was killing me inside and I surely would have been better off without them. (although I think having cared for those people taught me volumes about myself).

I don't think loving someone (in the way we are using the word) and being vulnerable can not exist apart from each other. I love the people I work with everyday, but I don't love them like I love my wife or my kids. If one of my work friends decides to move to Siberia next week we will have a party. I'll miss that person, but life goes on and soon it will almost seem like they were never there. If my wife decided to leave me and move to Siberia I don't know how I'd carry on alone.

I am dependent on my wife. We support each other. Its not like the other relationships that had brief, fleeting moments of extreme excitement followed by misery.

Recreational drugs can make you feel incredible... but for every moment of bliss, there are a thousand moments of suffering. That to me is the difference between codependency and a trusting, caring love relationship.