Thank you so much Summertime and CZ for your kind words - it really helps knowing that people are here to listen and understand although I am so sorry that you both have had to lose your loved ones and that you have had to go through the same thing as me.

It's so hard trying to cope without my grandad but I know he will always be with me and is always looking out for me. It's so strange going round to my nanans house and realising that my grandad wont be there - I always used to look into my grandads chair and I still do it now.

Last Thursday, I had a pretty scary experience. I was in my bedroom on my computer and all of a sudden, everything in my bedroom kept moving. I told my nanan about it and she said the same thing happened to her on exactly the same day. I'm not sure if it was just my mind and wishful thinking or whether it was actually my grandad coming to see if I was OK but it did scare me quite a bit! My nanan also said that the other night she couldn't sleep and was laid in bed and she felt someone sit on the bed and it scared her also as when she opened her eyes, there was no one there.

I'm dreading Christmas. It will be the first Christmas without my grandad and I think it's going to be so hard on all of us. My grandad used to always love Christmas, he was like a baby when it came to Christmas! My nanan said she doesn't want to put her tree up but we're going to as I know my grandad wouldn't want us not to at least try and have some fun.

We should get my grandads ashes back sometime this week. My grandad always said that whenever anything happened to him he always wanted putting in the garden so that is what my nanan is doing! My mums also ordered a rose bush that is named after my grandad and my grandma is going to get a bench for us all to go and sit on and remember my grandad by.

I've been trying to go and see my nanan every day - it's pretty hard trying to go round when I don't feel too good but we have to go and keep her company. She has 6 kids but not many of them have actually been to see her. My nanans daughter (my aunty) has only been to see her once and when she came, she kept getting everything of my grandads and asking if she could have it. My grandad was always the soft one but my nanan said she isn't going to let her walk all over her this time. My uncle even had to pay for the flowers for the crematorium for her because she wouldn't pay for them! She's told my uncle that she will give him the money soon but I doubt she will. She got £2000 off my grandad for a new kitchen and he never got that back either. At least my nanans been careful though and has told her that she isn't getting anything of my grandads.

Thanks again for you all being here to support me through this rough time - you will never know how much it means to me.