I laughed till I cried. Then I tried to think of something clever to respond with. How could I possibly do that? It would never be that funny. All I can think of is the story of trying to take an elderly relative to lunch a few years ago. We drove all the way into DC in bad traffic to see the sights, but before his wife and I could walk around the Lincoln Memorial, the old guy started up with, "Weahs my beeah? Weahs my beeah?" as my husband drove him around and around the boulevards neatly lined with parked "cahs" in every parking place. After the ten minutes allotted, we rejoined the men, finding our driver nearly mad from the repetition of "Weahs my beeah?". It was ten-thirty in the morning. My beloved mate was totally stressed by the onslaught, so to save his sanity and mine, I took the wheel and we headed for Georgetown to find someplace to eat.

The change in direction brought us some respite, but the plea for beer was replaced by a monologue of grumbling criticism of the scene and the driver: "Weah ya goin fuh Gahdsake, duh neahest pahkin place is ten miles away. Dyuh know weah ya goin? Chr***! Woodja lookit dat hayuh? Now wy wood anywun wanna die er hayuh puuhpul?" and so forth. And to his wife, "No, ya naht gowin shahpin in Jawjtown!"

I'm not very familiar with Georgetown, but after a few blocks I spotted an empty parking place in front of a restaurant, pulled into it, and announced "We're here" in as breezy a manner as I could muster. To "Wut kynuvuh place iziss?" I replied that it was very highly rated by the Washington Post. Actually, I'd never heard of it in my life, but I kept that to myself. "Weahs my beeah?" recommenced.

Inside, I pulled a waitress aside as our party was being seated and asked her to bring the elderly gentleman a beer as quickly as possible. She did so and we all began to relax. We were in a beautifully paneled room in the elegant old tavern style, and the food was great, the service friendly and swift. It was an enjoyable meal, but the best part came as we were leaving, when the old man loudly proclaimed: "[Jaye] heeah shooah nose wut she's doin. Lookut da great place she braht us to. An she even had a pahkin place razooved ta put da caah in!"

Okay, Steve, now guess where the old man was originally from.

Bonus question: How many Rhode Islanders does it take to change a lightbulb?

Love you guys,
Jaye