Dear Tritone,
It sounds like you have done a lot of healing work and find it frustrating that you are not making more progress.
I'm with you on that.

In the meantime, I do not look for meaning in my life beyond what I get each day. The days do add up so I can see a picture of my life emerging (Not the life as I imagined it). I try to do my best to ensure that this picture of the individual days is a good picture.
That is my hope for myself.

The bipolar and other stuff take away my ability to do more that that.

I have what might be small goals for myself but are in fact big:
1. stay alive
2. do so with a degree of grace
3. be kind to self and others . . .

You get the idea.

You will find what works for you.

And maybe the anger is a stage you need to go through. Maybe on the other side of it, you will be rewarded with new insight.

M.