How kind of you to take the time to let us know how you're doing. There are a million things I want to say to you, but instead I have a recommendation for a book. I really urge you to go to your local bookstore and order a copy soon as you can (I'm fairly certain it's still in print). It says all the things I would like to.

It's called "In the Center of the Night" by Jayne Blankenship. Originally published by G. P. Puttnam's Sons in 1984, it's subtitled "A journey through bereavement". It's the story, kind of a diary, of an American lady after the death of her husband - I was given this book when Mike died, and finally got round to reading it far too late. I wish I had taken the advice given at the time, because it's wonderful, quite invaluable. It became my "bible" for quite a while. Even if it's not in print, try to find a copy (Amazon does that kind of thing).

Oh boy, I remember that first night alone. A good friend had stayed with me for 10 days straight, but people gotta get on with their lives... it's the smells, such a trigger. I really understand, Ada, and I'm so glad you have your daughter and her family.

You're doing the right thing - keeping very busy. although it's surprising just what a lot of things have to be done at a time like this...and don't expect things to ease up just yet, there'll be a lot of folk who won't have heard the news wanting to speak to you for quite a while to come. And yes, not being able to say goodbye...it's so hard. My Mike died in 20 minutes - he was a medical doctor and told me what he was dying from (aortic dissecting aneurysm) but I didn't believe him, till he quickly proved me wrong. But go get that book immediately.

You're in my heart very much at the moment.

What are you going to do about the surgery, btw?
lots of love and hugs xxx