Thank you all so much....sniff sniff. Lord, but this sucks! I have the coalition meeting to go to on Wednesday. I was going to skip it this month due to the struggle of the Holidays, but now I feel I have to go. I am the only survivor in the group. I think that perspective is needed. Talking about "it" is going to be very difficult .... I don't want to go, but I will.

The funeral is Thursday....... I am unsure at this time if I will be able to go or not. The coalition and people from NAMI asked me to go speak with the family the day after "it" happened.......... Alffe and Moi gave me the strength to tell them I just couldn't do it. Thank you both

I feel great guilt that I wasn't able to reach out to them. I know their pain, and feel badly I couldn't offer them some comfort. As I explained to the coalition, this IS something I will do in the future.. but right now, I am a mess and in need of support myself. I told them I thought I would do more harm than good... but they held firm that seeing a survivor 9 months out would be a good thing, even if I was still in great grief. It would show them, one can survive.

Though I agree wholeheartedly with this, and would have benefited myself from a visit with a survivor.... I believe a survivor has to heal a hell of a lot more than I am before they can face something like this. Perhaps this is only something another survivor can truly understand? Maybe in a few years.... baby steps.........

I can't begin to explain how this has compounded my grief over Dad's loss. I miss him so much, it physically hurts If only love was enough.......