I hope you slow down a bit Billie. I know you are trying to stay busy but you have to slow down a bit. Take care of yourself ok?

I hope everyone else is doing good today. I just took some med. so may be out before long since I have taken it. Its a gloomy wants to rain day but can only drizzle now and then.

ok. I need some help here. I have told you all I have been going through some personal stuff here. I hope I don't start rambling away and make this long. Here goes. All opinions welcomed.

I mentioned before when my son got out of prison in July he was coming here to stay and try to get his life in order. Well he came and he is the same ol son. Wants to condemn everyone to his life of mysery he has brought on himself. He will be 29 Wed. Well one thing led to another. He moved his girlfriend in so Jamie said he could pay rent. $100 a week. They ate here, bathed here, and everything. (I wasn't going to charge him so it would help him out. He hates letting go of his money anyways.) I do agree he needed to pay something though. Since I told him his fiance could not come. She is 18 by the way! And he used my truck without asking to go 100 miles to get her knowing I had already said No! And lied about it. Her Mom told me. ok....He is an abusive guy. He beats on women like his Dad did/does. I kicked him out twice for that and he said I would have to evict him. He doesn't know his Momma to well I guess. Anyway he caused alot of tension the 4 months he was here. Did I say we have always had a strained relationship anyways?

ok. Now Jamie. Who was acting like a monster the last couple of months. At first I thought it was stress from his 2 kids, 15 & 11, along with my son and his fiance. Well it wasn't. Jamie had a drug problem when we got together and he went off everything cold turkey. He has been clean for over 7 years. Well when we left the other job where we had been for 4 years he started working with a friend of ours. This guy has a son that also had a drug problem. (His Dad is clean as a whistle and hates drugs of any sort.) Well apparently Jamie got to doing it with him and this Mexican guy that works with them and supplies it as well. I know this is all fact so don't ask me if I am sure. I am VERY sure! I thought at first Jamie was having an affair. Well I did find out that wasn't the case. Thank God! The drugs are enough! Well last Sunday a week ago Jamie and my son (Jamie was drunk, my son had not drank anything. Jamie is also an alcoholic) they were going to go out to the pasture with the 04 Dodge and the 92 Chevy that we have and race......DUMB IDEA!! I told them both after a few words I was done! Jamie gets out of his truck and pushes me! Now I was floored because he has never raised a hand to me. My son jumps out of the Chevy and tells him he isn't going to push his Mom. That I understand. But my son beats the pure he#$ out of Jamie. Shane solves everything with his fists. Blood was everywhere. Jamie's kids were hysterical, I call 911. Jamie is threatening Shane at his camper with a machete, knife and everything else saying he is dead! The dispatcher won't let me hang up. It seemed like an eternity til they arrived. 3 of them. Sometime in the middle of all this my son and his fiance managed to get out of the camper and take off into the night through the pasture. She is on probation violation so they hauled butt. The cops decide the best thing is to take Jamie in. If not he would have kept this going all night so part of me was relieved. He was released Monday night and the judge ordered him to stay away from here and no alcohol and he has to check in 2 times a week til his court date on the 11th. He looked horrible. His front tooth, root and all was knocked out, both eyes black, one swelled shut, it was awful. My son is mean and I knew he would hurt Jamie. Jamie has never been in jail for anything other than a DUI 10 years ago. Well he went back to work Friday. Back around the same people. He came in Sat. high. He swears not but his eyes told the story. I was kept up all night from his tossing and turning because he couldn't sleep. So I know better. Yesterday I told him I just can't do this anymore. I am a total basket case.

His kids asked me to stay til after Christmas. Jamie swears he loves me but I told him talk is cheap....show me! I told him I will see the charges get dropped and then we are done. I can't go between hurt and angry and back again anymore. I am trying to figure this all out and I can't. I need some help here ladies if you don't mind. Sorry but I needed to get it out. Befuddled I know you have had some kind of something going on too. I hope you are ok.

Thanks for listening.