Jestersnow, I am so very sorry for your loss. As Alffe said, we all have guilt and at one time or another I am sure we all feel responsible. My heart breaks for you that these feelings are multiplied due to his phone call.
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How can I go on living this way with so much pain?
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I am still trying to learn how myself. I know there will be times when you don't think you can survive the loss,
those are the times you need to reach out... come here, talk with your doctor, find a local support group etc... talk talk talk! Being with other survivors, hearing their stories, gives you strength .... It shows you one
CAN survive this pain.
The Helpful Information & Links Sticky thread at the top of this page has many good resources you may find helpful. Here is the link
http://neurotalk.psychcentral.com/thread238.html
My thoughts are with you ((Jestersnow))
Nikki