I've read your post several times, Kitty, and deleted an equal number of posts. As someone mentioned, you brought up something that most of us think about at some point, whether currently "alone" or not.

I used to think my mother was being morbid when she'd say, "Well, if anything happened to your father, I think I would..." I remember thinking, "Ugh, don't TALK about such things!"

Now I think she was wise. She wasn't borrowing trouble or becoming obsessed. She was considering a possible reality, and assuring herself that she would have options, as difficult as they might be to consider.

Losing Bob has been a huge fear for me even BEFORE I got sick. Now I realize how much I depend on him in many ways and sometimes I find myself facing "what if". He'll be 73 in the spring; he has COPD, mild coronary artery disease, and he's already had cancer once. What if he's not here, or simply unable to "take care" if I need serious tending to.

Sometimes I do what Mom did, sketch out a back-up plan in my mind, aware that life has a way of blind-siding us no matter how many safety nets we organize under ourselves.

I have to keep reminding myself that the future isn't in my hands, and I trust God to provide, even though I really, really want Him to lay out the plan for me ahead of time. He says, "I'll take care of you", and I pester, "Yeah, but how? How are You gonna do it?"

Once something happens (like losing a spouse, or having a chronic disease, or both) we're already on Plan B. I know that with your attitude, you can turn Plan B (or C or D or...) into a good life, no matter what happens. God will make a way.