I cannot thank you enough for responding to my post. You're right-I'm in a bad place right now. For the last five years, a group of girlfriends and I would go to Vail skiing for a week-no husbands/boyfriends-just skiing by day, massages and going out to eat in the evening, followed by smores and beverages around the fire. This is the first year that I cannot go and I am really taking it badly. I am also having tremendous financial diffidulties as I am the primary breadwinner and the insurance companies are driving me into debt every month. I am a neuro ICU nurse and have been in some type of ER/ICU setting for 15 years. I love it and just finished my last class before going on to get my nurse practitioner degree. All of this feels like it's going down the drain and I am in a panic. Maybe it's the type A personality and the ICU nurse mentality of "I want it now-everything has to be now" and I cannot come to grips that this thing could ruin all I've worked for. My 3 year old wants to go snow tubing and can't understand why I can't take him and I promised my 9 year old I would teach him to ski this year. Now I can't even stay outside for any amount of time due to the cold, much less any activity. My knee was operated on 10/15 and that was the parcipitating event, so it's still weak in it's own right outside of the RSD. I guess I just need someone to give me answers that don't exist. I need a light at the end of this tunnel. My PMR (physio) is attempting to drug me to the limit and I keep telling him that these are appropriate emotions, not something irrational; being a nurse it turns into a big fight because I won't let him do anything without evidence (no "well, let's see if this works stuff"). There is also a legal issue as he feels that inadequate anesthesia for the operation was the cause of the RSD, leaving my sympathetic nervous system overwhelmed during surgery.
This is probably normal process for this; I am just freaking out because everything seems to be progressively worsening and I don't see improvement (which may actually be there-I do most of my walking without crutches and have good range of motion, it's just the pain issue and the drugs that have changed my entire personality.)
Anyway, bless you for letting me purge the system. Strange how someone unknown can give comfort when those near don't understand. Thank you-more than I can express.
Lori Lee