HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
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> 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
> knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
> immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
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> 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare. You cannot find
> it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000
> calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
> eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat.. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
> Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
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> 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
> Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
> potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
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> 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
> whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
> with an automatic transmission.
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> 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
> eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
> people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
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> 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
> You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
> time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
> carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
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> 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
> Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
> them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
> attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind,
> you're never going to see them again.
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> 8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you
> don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three.
> When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
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> 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
> celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
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> 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
> get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips;
> start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
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> Remember this motto to live by:
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> "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
> safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
> sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out,
> and screaming "WOO HOO!! What a ride!"
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> Have a great holiday season!
> Merry Christmas!
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