Thanks Mari,
Glad you feel better, that's probably the nicest thing someone could say to me right now.
I only see him for 30min every other week - so it can be tough to cover everything. I just can't swing any more than that right now.
He started to talk about OCD - or at least ODC-like symptoms. I'll let you know if he goes anywhere with that. I find myself being much more candid and much more in touch with myself. I don't know exactly how/when/why that began happening - but I find myself investigating things and talking about things that I hadn't previously.
One of the things I told him about was that I seem to have this constant need for distraction. Could be the computer, TV, work - anything other than sitting quietly with myself. I just can't seem to do it. It is tremendously difficult for me. I used to be able to do it - meditate... years ago... Now my head "roars with background noise" and I have a very hard time being still... This is the anxiety I believe... and just doubting nearly everything - most of all myself.
I also think maybe some of these things are coming out now because I'm off the benzos... I'd take the day's worth before bed just to settle down... I still have the Seroquel but I'm trying to wean off it... Things are definitely sharper since cutting the benzos through...
I see all of this as immensely positive though - things aren't so bad and maybe getting better
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mari
Wow,
You got some validation from the group and the clinicians present. That was wonderful. Also it is affirming to know that good people and professional people exist in the world.
I think it wonderful that you trusted your support group and that they came through for you.
Maybe it is better that we don't diagnosis ourselves. It is a good thing that you brought up your thoughts about borderline -- so that your pdoc could disabuse you of that idea.
I can understand about anxiety. I'm not sure it if manifests the way as yours in terms of reassurance -- but it is certainly close to debilitating sometimes. I'm been home all day worrying about stuff I have no control over -- even if those things are directly effecting me.
Is he saying you might have some ocd-like traits? That is a much lighter dx than anything else so far. And someone can re-train them selves for that -- or at least do "work arounds."
This is good news.
I am glad I read this before signing off for tonight.
You have come a long way and you kept trusting in the pdoc and the trust seems to be paying off. He sounds like one of the good guys, but you get credit for working with him and staying close to him and keeping open communication.
Thank you, Tritone.
You made my night.
Your post lifted a layer of two of my anxiety.
Mari
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