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Old 12-22-2008, 08:55 AM
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bizi bizi is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: cajun country, lafayette Louisiana
Posts: 22,235
10 yr Member
bizi bizi is offline
Wisest Elder Ever
bizi's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: cajun country, lafayette Louisiana
Posts: 22,235
My Mood:
10 yr Member

Self-Defeating Beliefs and irrational thinking
1. Emotional perfectionism: " I should always feel happy, confident and in control of my emotions"

2. Emotophobia: "I should never feel angry, anxious, inadequate, jealous or vulnerable."

3. conflict phobia: " people who love each other should not fight"

4. entitlement: "people should be the way I expect them to be."

5. low frustration tolerance: "I should never feel frustrated,
life should be easy"

6. performance perfectionism: "I must never fail or make a mistake"

7. perceived perfectionism: "people will not love and accept me as
a flawed and vulnerable human being"

8. fear of failure: "my worthwhileness depends on my achivements,
(or my intelligence, or status or attractiveness)."

9. fear of disapproval or criticism: "I need everybody's approval to be

10. fear of rejection or being alone: "If I am alone, then I'm bound to feel miserable and unfulfilled. If I am not loved life is not worth living."

These are self-defeating beliefs and might be part of our self esteem and
linked to co-dependant behavior.
Each one of these beliefs is irrational thinking and are some common cognitive distortions. They include the 10 types of stinkng thinking.

1. all or nothing thinking: "I am either a success or a failure" " the world is either black or white"

2. Mind reading: "They probably think that I am incompetent," "I just know that he or she disapproves" Don't jump to conclusions.

3. emotional reasoning: "Because I feel inadequate. I am inadequate"
"What I feel therefore I am."

4. Personalizations: "That comment wasn't just random, it must have been directed toward me."

5. Overgeneralization: "Everything I do turns out wrong. It doesn't matter what my choices are, I always fall flat."

6. Catastrophizing: "If If I go to the party there will be terrible consequences", " I better not try because I might fail and that would be awful!"

7. Should statements: "I should visit my family everytime they want me to." " You should do this or that"

8. Control Fallacies: "If I'm not in complete control all fo the time, I will go out of control" "I must be in control of all of the contingencies in my life."

9. Comparing: "I am not as competant as my co-workers or supervisors." "Compared to others there is clearly something flawed about me."

10. Heavens reward fallacy: "If I do everything perfectly here, then I will be rewarded later," I have to muddle through this life maybe things will be better latter."

11. Disqualifying the positive: "This success experience was only a fluke', "The compliment that I received was unwarrented"

12. Perfectionism: "I must do everything perfectly or I will be criticized and a failure."
"An adequate job is akin to a failure"

13. Selective abstraction: The rest of the information doesn't matter. This is a salient point" "I must focus on the negative details
while I ignore and filter out all of the positive aspects of a situation. and obcess about it"

14. Externalization of self worth: "my worth is dependant upon what others think of me" "They think therefore I am"

15. Fallacy of change: "You should change your behavior because I want you to."They sould act differently because I expect them to."

16. Fallacy of worrying: " If I worry enough it will be resolved." "One cannot be too concerned"

17. Fallacy of ignoring: "If you isnore it, maybe it will go away." If I don't pay attention then I will not be held responcible"

18. Fallacy of fairness: "Life should be fair, people should be fair."

19. Being right: I must prove that I am right because being wrong is unthinkable." To be wrong is to be a bad person."

20. Fallacy of attachment. "I can't live without a man." "If I was in an intimate relationship all of my problems will be solved." "You can only be attached by being intimate with them."

Hattie the black and white one wrestling with hazel, calico. lost hattie to cancer.....

Happiness is a decision....
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