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Old 12-22-2008, 08:55 AM  
bizi
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Location: cajun country, lafayette Louisiana
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Self-Defeating Beliefs and irrational thinking
1. Emotional perfectionism: " I should always feel happy, confident and in control of my emotions"

2. Emotophobia: "I should never feel angry, anxious, inadequate, jealous or vulnerable."

3. conflict phobia: " people who love each other should not fight"

4. entitlement: "people should be the way I expect them to be."

5. low frustration tolerance: "I should never feel frustrated,
life should be easy"

6. performance perfectionism: "I must never fail or make a mistake"

7. perceived perfectionism: "people will not love and accept me as
a flawed and vulnerable human being"

8. fear of failure: "my worthwhileness depends on my achivements,
(or my intelligence, or status or attractiveness)."

9. fear of disapproval or criticism: "I need everybody's approval to be
worthwhile"

10. fear of rejection or being alone: "If I am alone, then I'm bound to feel miserable and unfulfilled. If I am not loved life is not worth living."

These are self-defeating beliefs and might be part of our self esteem and
linked to co-dependant behavior.
Each one of these beliefs is irrational thinking and are some common cognitive distortions. They include the 10 types of stinkng thinking.

1. all or nothing thinking: "I am either a success or a failure" " the world is either black or white"

2. Mind reading: "They probably think that I am incompetent," "I just know that he or she disapproves" Don't jump to conclusions.

3. emotional reasoning: "Because I feel inadequate. I am inadequate"
"What I feel therefore I am."

4. Personalizations: "That comment wasn't just random, it must have been directed toward me."

5. Overgeneralization: "Everything I do turns out wrong. It doesn't matter what my choices are, I always fall flat."

6. Catastrophizing: "If If I go to the party there will be terrible consequences", " I better not try because I might fail and that would be awful!"

7. Should statements: "I should visit my family everytime they want me to." " You should do this or that"

8. Control Fallacies: "If I'm not in complete control all fo the time, I will go out of control" "I must be in control of all of the contingencies in my life."

9. Comparing: "I am not as competant as my co-workers or supervisors." "Compared to others there is clearly something flawed about me."

10. Heavens reward fallacy: "If I do everything perfectly here, then I will be rewarded later," I have to muddle through this life maybe things will be better latter."

11. Disqualifying the positive: "This success experience was only a fluke', "The compliment that I received was unwarrented"

12. Perfectionism: "I must do everything perfectly or I will be criticized and a failure."
"An adequate job is akin to a failure"

13. Selective abstraction: The rest of the information doesn't matter. This is a salient point" "I must focus on the negative details
while I ignore and filter out all of the positive aspects of a situation. and obcess about it"

14. Externalization of self worth: "my worth is dependant upon what others think of me" "They think therefore I am"

15. Fallacy of change: "You should change your behavior because I want you to."They sould act differently because I expect them to."

16. Fallacy of worrying: " If I worry enough it will be resolved." "One cannot be too concerned"

17. Fallacy of ignoring: "If you isnore it, maybe it will go away." If I don't pay attention then I will not be held responcible"

18. Fallacy of fairness: "Life should be fair, people should be fair."

19. Being right: I must prove that I am right because being wrong is unthinkable." To be wrong is to be a bad person."

20. Fallacy of attachment. "I can't live without a man." "If I was in an intimate relationship all of my problems will be solved." "You can only be attached by being intimate with them."
__________________

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This is harriet, my sweet baby girl.....
heavy sigh.....
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Happiness is a decision....
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