Hi all,

I hope that you all had a merry Christmas! Well I know I've been quiet around here.

As I already mentioned I was in hospital because of the RSD/ Dystonia. I keep going into status dystonicus and had a fit which lasted several hours and could not be controlled at all. Apparently when I came round I was in agony from the RSD and they gave me 30mg morphine IV (bolus - so just pushed straight in) and it barely made a dent in my pain..

ever since I've just felt like my whole body is on fire. It's an effort to talk, I can barely eat, I can only sit for a couple of minutes at the moment and everything hurts so much I just have no idea what to do. I feel like I'm going mad. My arms have locked around my sides which puts pressure on my lungs making breathing hard. Yet again I'm stuck being unable to control my wheelchair and it being Christmas and me not being able to eat because my jaw is in spasm.

My boyfriend tries to understand the pain that I'm in but it's impossible to explain it and I just don't know what to do. I am just so fed up of pain and just don't know how to cope with this thing any longer. I just want it to go away and to wake up pain free. I could cope with being a quadraplegic if it meant that I could be pain free and not be dizzy, feel sick, feel my lungs and throat burn and my stomach, colon, kidneys etc just burn all the time as well as my whole body. Even my face and eyes burn...

I'm now on 120mg diazipam a day, 60mg morphine a day, 80mg dihydrocodeine four times a day, baclofen, ibuprofen, paracetemol, 200mg tramadol 4 x day and 100mg ketamine day and it just doesn't work. It just feels like everythings on fire. This is just so not fair... I'm 23.. I just want to be... normal.. or just in less pain.. every time I believe pain can't get worse.. and then it does... HELP!!

Sorry.. I just need someone to understand because no one does. They just think if I tried harder to overcome the pain then I'd be able to manage more... it's just not like that.

Tons of love

Rosie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx