You are not a loser. I remember when I first HAD TO QUIT DRINKING because of being in too much trouble with the courts. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Now I have lost my boyfriend to suicide and want to drink really bad but haven't yet anyway. I was forced to take something called antibuse. I was on it for 3 years and it worked. Now all I have to do is stay sober. Keep your head up and take care of you. Everything will be ok. When it's the right time for you you will know it.