((Jester)) First of all, please remove those messages from your phone and don't listen to them anymore. You are speaking about the messages he left saying he was going to commit suicide, right? I don't think it's healthy for you to be listening to those.

You'll have to search your own soul on the 'everafter' question. I personally don't believe in hell, period. I don't think that is where he is.

And I agree with Mistiis that you should find a good counselor to talk with for awhile. They can do a world of good.

You will survive, I promise.