I, for one, completely understand. I have been / am at a point where I can't even feel like who I used to be. I want to be her, but I'm not. I hope to get back to where I used to be, but who knows???
Every year for the last four years, I looked forward to a new year because it would surely have to be better than the one that just ended. Well, that hasn't so much worked out, so I'm going to try to just work on one day at time.
You sound overwhelmed and overtaxed. You need to take time for you and take care of you. We will still be here.