Suzanne,

As you have found out, the board here has many caring and knowledgeable folks. You should use it as you see fit and how often as you want. There is no question that can't be asked.

I don't know where you are located, but many communities have paratransit services for people who are unable to get themselves to their medical appointments. Hoping you can use something like that to get to your doctor's appointments as well as talk to your husband's oncologist.

I think it may be relevant that all of us who have responded to you have mentioned hospice. I sure hope you can begin exploring that possibility. I do understand how embarrassed you are about the house - nothing unhealthy about feeling that way. I also hope that you will not let that get in the way of what is best for both of you - if it turns out that way.

It sounds like you have started the process of giving your husband permission to go, if that is what is to be. And as someone else posted, he is in charge of that. You are there for him and are creating the space so that he can choose what his beliefs are, knowing that he has permission to go anywhere he needs to and with whatever feelings come up as a result. There is no need to force things to go in any other direction.

Take care,

rfinney