I had the MRI on Monday but still don't have the results and they were going to rush them, sure. I was taking 600 Neurontin 3x a day but now I'm taking 800 and it's still not taking the edge off. All it does is make me so tired. I've never had this burning shooting pain down my legs and lower back like this. I'm used to all the emotional pain during the holidays, I knew it was coming and I wanted to just get through it. It's been so so hard this year with all that's happened. I don't know where I'll end up. I've been in so much pain I haven't been able to use the CPM machine much at all and I have scar tissue build up in my knee. All I can do is bend it while lying down but the pain in my back is so bad I have to stop. I'm fighting the beast and he has such a stronghold on me right now. I keep saying get through New Year's and yes hold Hooper close to my heart. She needs me, she loves me. But I'm scared, big time.

I don't know why I can't get it in my head that people do care. I think it all goes back to what happened to my brother. They call siblings the forgotten survivors.