((jestersnow)) I am so sorry for the depth of your pain.... I too felt just as you are now. I know what that feels like. The best thing you can do to make sure these feelings do not, and can not consume you is to keep talking and sharing. I am proud of you that you have put voice to those thoughts!

Make sure you keep all of your appointments with your doctors, keep sharing with family and friends, and do know you are safe here and we will help in any way we can. Just keep swimming my friend Nikki