Quote:
Originally Posted by wishfulthinking
My therapist keeps coming up with different reasons to tell me as to why she can't be my therapist any more. The first time it was because I have too many problems. Then the seccond time she told me that it's all about boundaries and how I can't keep them with people. Then this week she told me that it was because I cross her boundaries and that I am too dependent on her. I asked my friends if I am too dependent on people or if I am crossing their boundaries and no one seems to think the same as my therapist. She keeps confusing me. She keeps making appointments for me to see her and yet she keeps telling me that she doesn't want to see me any more. What am I suppose to do? I'm on a waiting list for a new therapist already so I am just waiting for them to call me. This is frustrating!  |
Your therapist cannot be any good in helping you. Not because she keeps talking about ending therapy with you, but because her training was not good enough, not thorough enough. She needs a training supervisor over her again - someone for her to go over her sessions with.... but that is not going to happen. except in an ideal world.
YES, you may not observe boundaries. BUT SHE IS SUPPOSED to be a properly trained therapist and a properly trained therapist knows how to SET proper boundaries and then defend them so the patient doesn't step over the lines so consistently and severely that the only way out is to end therapy. But it is not an ideal world.
And it is COMMON for some of us -maybe many of us- to want to be dependent on a therapist and therapist are supposed to be trained to EXPECT this and know how to lead a patient toward more maturity and independence.
Your therapist is right. She does not have the right kind of training to help you. Any time spent with her is spinning your wheels and reinforcing undesirable patterns.
It is better for you to drop therapy with her and just wait for someone else to become available. If she has any wits around her, she should have been looking for someone else for you since she first realized she is out of her depth.
I suggest you do some studying about boundaries. I am 58 years old and I just learned about boundaries some 7 years ago... and realized that I had been raised by parents who did not let any of us have any boundaries - there was total -and inappropriate- continual and total violation of our boundaries. It is a SICK family that causes these problems most often.
But I taught myself to observe the boundaries of others --- virtually on my own. MORE IMPORTANT (or just as important), I learned how to RECOGNIZE and DEFEND MY OWN BOUNDARIES -- which, of course, involved some learning about what boundaries an adult should HAVE.
Someone on line who helped me a lot. Fixing the problem doesn't happen over night. But you can do it. And you will end up much happier. And those around you will be much happier too.
Try starting on this website -- seem to remember that firemonkey turned me onto this site --
http://www.coping.org/innerhealing/boundary.htm
Teri