this one is pre my infusion and the second one is post infusion. I wrote them both within a month.

An RSD State of Mind

She tried to stay calm
not letting this feeling consume her
Her tears she holds back
not wanting others to know
The pain she's left with
throughout her body and soul
Flooded with burning flames
she doesn't want it to show
Forced smiles and laughter
but look into her eyes
you'll see the sadness and pain
she lives with everyday.
Trying to hold on to every ray of light
not giving into the darkness
when she feels like she wants to die.



To the monster that's set me free :RSD


its been years since i've felt this way
the monster has loosened its painful grip on me
i can finally breathe again, not gasping for air, not drowning in pain.
i no longer cringe or ache inside.
the damage that has been done, the scars that its left are still burned in my mind.
the memories of being lost and not in control will never leave me, but i no longer worry about the steps in front of me.
my future has hope again, not filled with sorrow or despair.
no longer wishing my wrists would bleed, or for my life to be taken away from me.
i can see the light once again, no longer am i deep in the dark hole of pain and depression.
i only wish that this monster doesn't return, never grasping my neck with its tight grip trying to squeeze the life from me, controlling my every move and thought.
just stay away, far away, and let me be free.
i've been tortured enough these past few years to last several lifetimes.
being taken to a place nobody should ever go to.
a place that is unfathomable to anyone's imagination, the torturous flames, the nightmare that's been engraved in my mind, and the rivers filled with my tears from my eyes will never run dry.
please don't return, let my soul finally be set free from your claws for ever.
i cannot bear the thought of returning to such a place, not sure i'd live though it again.
i've been drained so badly from the pain you've caused me,
i have nothing left to give, no ounce left to fight back with.
please let me be for the rest of my eternity.