Suzanne,
I know how hard it is to deal with your own illness and try to care for your husband.
I am the primary caregiver to my mom right now--she has several illness's and dementia on top of that.
Its not always easy to decide to bring in people from the outside for help but my illness prevents me from doing it all. While I dont need hospice at this time I did avail myself of help through Home Health.
She has 2 aides that come twice a week to do personal cares and 2 companions twice a week to shop, clean and cook. An RN comes once every two weeks or when called. This gives me much needed breaks and help. Since my goal is to keep my mom at home--I have no choice but to get the help but it has worked out really well--my mom loves these girls.
Hospice offers counseling and advice without ever coming into your house if you just want to talk to someone prior to having them come.
They are also there for you afterwards as well.
They will not judge you Suzanne--I know this because before getting sick I was a home health nurse.
I know you say your husband doesnt want to talk about his death and thst ok. The time will come when he will.
I just want to caution you on a couple things, if I may.
I recently lost a friend to brain cancer and his wife did not want anyone in the home--so he ended up in a nursing home. Nursing homes are not equipped for this type of care. Because they did not have the proper delivery system for his pain meds--he died in alot of pain.
If a nursing home ever comes into play--know that you must be on top of it making sure doc orders what is needed and that the home can handle it. By the way--hospice will alos go into Nursing homes.
Next--understand that a hopsital will not keep him beyond a 72 hour window--they will either send him to a nursing home or home and I just want to encourage you to have a plan in place because sometimes the final event that sets this in motion can be fast leaving you with many things to decide.
I am leaving you with a web site on Hospice--gives you all the info and a hotline phone number. It also will help you locate them in your area.
http://www.hospicenet.org/
Take care,
Bubbi