blinded by a few tears here dear Nikki. Oh the pain of "too much understanding".
"God forgive me?" There is nothing to forgive and in your heart you know this. He's been right there all along....he was with your dear dad in the snow. He has seen your struggles with Lynn. Let go..let God.
You are only one person who tries to be all things to all people. We love you for wanting to Nikki but are fearful of the consequences.
Please take better care of yourself.