Alffe I think I’ve read every book out there about suicide and trying to understand Mark. I did read Lament of a Son over and over trying to understand my dad’s hatred towards me.
Quote:
|
There's a hole in the world now. In the place where he was, there's now just nothing. A center, like no other, of memory and hope and knowledge and affection which once inhabited the earth is gone. Only a gap remains. A perspective on this world unique in this world which once moved about within this world has been rubbed out. Only a void is left. There's nobody now who saw just what he saw, knows what he knew, remembers what he remembered, loves what he loved. A person, an irreplaceable person is gone. Never again will anyone apprehend the world quite the way he did. Never again will anyone inhabit the world the way he did. Questions I have can never now get answers. The world is emptier. My son is gone. Only a hole remains a void, a gap, never to be filled.
|
I have to accept that I was never able to fill that void, that gap. His world was empty, I was there but he was blinded by his grief.
I have Fierce Goodbye, have had it for quite some time, but I’m afraid to read it. I’m not sure if I want to know the “truth” about whether Mark is in Heaven. I’ve asked my priest and of course he’s going to tell me that Mark is in God’s hands. I read Fr. Ron Rolheiser’s column all the time and after reading this maybe I’ll get the nerve up to read it.
Quote:
|
We should not worry unduly about the eternal salvation of a suicide victim, believing (as we used to) that suicide is always an act of ultimate despair. God is infinitely more understanding than we are and God's hands are infinitely safer and gentler than our own. Imagine a loving mother having just given birth, welcoming her child onto her breast for the first time. That, I believe, is the best image we have available to understand how a suicide victim (most often an overly sensitive soul) is received into the next life.
|
I have no help with meals and such Alffe, I’m too young for Meals on Wheels. I’m so independent and trying to do this on my own which is quite difficult. I moved everything downstairs since I can’t get upstairs. And thank goodness for my laptop and wireless access. I made some beef stew and soups before hand so all I have to do is nuke it. And I have this delicious apple and cinnamon whipped honey I’m putting on crackers. Wonder where I got that from?
Lara I finally received my Kindle from Amazon yesterday. I’m going to download that book “Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss” as my first one. I’m also going to download Blue Genes.
The nurse should be here shortly to torture me some more and clean it. It started to bleed last night and I'm in tons of pain. I don't think I slept for an hour. It’s a good day to cuddle up with Hooper and my new Kindle and read. And I never did get to see the moon because it was snowing.