Hi DiMArie, Thank you so much for the words of wisdom and understanding. Seems you are always there knowing just what to say. Breaks my heart to hear all your daughter has been through - must be so hard as a parent watching her struggles. God Bless the both of you, i truly mean it.

Guess i should have explained a little more about my relationship in fairness to him- we have known each other for what seems like practically our whole lives; dated all through college about 20 years ago, then, being young and foolish, broke up and went our seperate ways but fate brought us both to Texas and we ran into each other 3 years ago and have been together ever since. We have lived together for a year. When we met again 3 years ago i was still working - just barely - and had just had my 1st carpal tunnel surgery , and things quickly went down hill for me healthwise from there, with antoher CT surgery and the two TOS surgeries that following year. I think part of the problem is exactly the long history - he's always been in love with that healthy 18 year old girl from college and though he's been down the whole road with me and adjusted to the changes it's got to be awfully hard to reconcile the new limited me with his image of the healthy me he knew and fell in love with. I can't blame him. And the part of me that loves hime like crazy wants to just forget about the pain and go on the trip anyways just to make him happy but the other part says if he really cares, he wouldn't even ask me to put myself through that, you know?

Ugg. I think I'm just making too much of it all. I should just count my blessings (including not having cancer!) and leave it at that. Di Marie Thanks again for the thoughtful words and advice. You are indeed a blessing to us all here on the board.

Hugs
Nolina