Your catchy title caught my eye, Rosebud! This has become a MAJOR dilemma with me, but strangely it doesn't happen every time. What I'm saying is some nights and mornings I can putter around (definitely not a sprint!) enough to get to my morning meds and to take care of Mother Nature's "call to the Royal throne."
Since this on/off time is unpredictable, I always do this before retiring:
1) go to the potty (more than you want to know)
2) set water (in a sippy cup with a straw) and my morning meds by my bed
3) make sure I have on clothing easy to manipulate, and
4) get as close to the throne as possible!
I get up at least 2 times every night - sometimes as many as 4-5 times. It has nothing to do with what I drink after 5:00, but has everythingn to do with PD. I have been told after a full urological workup that I have a Neurogenic bladder*. This means My bladder muscles do not sense when I am done or when I need to go (Until I stand up! Then look out!) Add sciatica and lower back problems and you're nearly forced to use those products we think are reserved for infants and babies only.
* I have to tell you this little funny aside. When I visited my neurologist after my bladder workup, I was telling him what the urologists said. Now my neurologists rarely smiles, but I put him in the floor telling him that I was told I had a "Neurotic" bladder! When I realized what I had said, I joined him in the floor.
Anyway, back to the story. Even after doing all of those four preparatory thiings, it is quite comical how I go about this call to nature that others take so for granted. You approach the throne facing it. Now if you're a guy, you have it made. You just do your thing. But the lowly female must turn around and maintain a "sitting" position in order to do her thing! To do a 180 degree turn, I take the tiniest baby steps in a circular motion, fearing falling all the while. Then there's the problem with getting the toilet paper, which is inconveniently mounted onn the wall behind me (I'm going to get one of those toilet paper stands one day). Anyway, if this routine were available for show, I'm certain it would win the top prize in Ameriica's Funniest Home Videos!
But alas, you will have to wait to see your own video - and trust me - it isn't funny!
Peg