I'm so sorry for your loss and I can understand how it must still be very painful for you.

I lost a brother and sister. My brother was 19 years old and had a military funeral. I was 12 years old and sat next to my Mom when they played taps. The tears were shooting from her eyes like a sprayer. I felt so helpless and overwhelmed by her grief. She suffered for years after... Then my sister died 12 years later at age 37. Both of my parents suffered so much for their losses. I can only hope I'll go before our sons.