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Member
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 310
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Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 310
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Paranoia and Delusions
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Originally Posted by firemonkey
Where do faulty perceptions end and delusions begin?
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Hi, Tim .... You are asking, in essence, a relatively frequent question - "Am I crazy? Just what do my thoughts and feelings mean?" 
Well, most definitely, you are not crazy -- 
But what's the whys behind how you feel, perceive, think? I've done some research this morning to have some authorities back up what I'm going to say - which is why I didn't respond more promptly ...
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Originally Posted by firemonkey
For example:I will often think that fellow posters hate me based on non replies to my post or comments made.Invariably they tell me they don't.Is that perceptual or delusional?
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First, some definitions -
Paranoid DISORDERS - A group of psychotic disorders characterized by delusions of grandeur and persecution, suspiciousness, hypersensitivity, hyperalertness, jealousy, guardedness, resentment, humorlessness, litigiousness (tending to engage in lawsuits) and sullenness.
http://depts.washington.edu/psyclerk/terms/termslist2.htm
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Originally Posted by firemonkey
Also what is the consensus on what makes a thought 'psychotic'?
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Need you to understand that the reason that drives the paranoia is the deep deep inerradicable CONVICTIONS of the person, with those underlying convctions are similar to these --- "I am SO unique, special and important that
1) others cannot keep from thinking and talking about me when I am not around and
2) others are irrationally jealous of me and therefore are plotting to cause my downfall and
3) when others demonste kindness and/or friendliness, it is FAKE, a COMPLETE lie, pretence and deception based on jealousies and obsessions and desires to ruin me.
And there is NO AMOUNT of reasoning or clarification that can shake these convictions. Oh, they might PRETEND for a time - but it is a strategic pretence to prevent their destruction and further they ability to further protect themselves and/or to destroy their enemies.
Paranoid disorders with these psychotic features of "UNREAL CONVICTIONS" can be very dangerous and unpredictable. Most schizophrenics or otherwise psychotic people do not have a paranoid disorder. The ones who think they ARE G_d or that G_d (or "the devil") talks to them are paranoids. But it is not necessary to be this bad to qualify.
Antipsychotics can be of help in lessening symptoms, but paranoids, suspecting that others have only ill intentions see medications as objects of harm and control, thus are less likely than others to be cooperative with therapies.
Now on the other hand, PARANOID IDEATION - Ideation, of far less than delusional proportions, and involves suspiciousness and/or the belief that one is being harassed, persecuted, or unfairly treated.
http://depts.washington.edu/psyclerk/terms/termslist2.htm
Now think about your background and your experiences in life, and you can see that many of your experiences have VALIDATED those ideas. Like your earlier decades of experience with NHS's dismissiveness of your mental and emotional difficulties. Dismissiveness to the point of ridicule and irritation at you, telling you to "snap out of it."
SEE? You have sound and valid REASON to expect that you may very well be treated the same in other situations. But you have overcome a lot of that by your experiences since shortly before Brenda's death, when you finally got a psychiatrist who BELIEVED you when you talked about your problems and he SAW you as you are. He validated YOU, not your former ideas.
And you have SHOWN that you can overcome and disbelieve your former ideas, based on all those previous ideas, by going to see your case manager and cooperating with her ideas, going to group (and OPENING UP!), and by taking your meds ... You are feeling confident in cooperating and being a team member in your care because they have provided a corrective environment of TRUST by meeting your needs.
Therefore, you have no paranoid delusions. Additionally, you have shown an EXCEPTIONAL level of potential for changing IDEAS about us, the other bipolars and PD'd here with us. YES, you sometimes, in a kneejerk historically based reaction, have "Paranoid Penelope" bite you in the butt .... but you are willing to BELIEVE that she is lying ...
and so you keep working at increasing your understanding of what is real here. Being people, we will sometimes fail to meet your needs or expectations, but that is not out of feelings of dislike or of ill intent to punish you. It is simply that life is like that. Nothing is perfect. You are not perfect, I am not perfect - and that makes us NORMAL. 
Now, your next question ---
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Originally Posted by firemonkey
The nature of the thought itself regardless of whether you can see it to be not grounded in reality?
For example: Every once in an infrequent while it crosses my mind that some of the inanimate objects in my flat could come to life and talk to me ie ornaments/stuffed toys.Then i start expecting them to do so.
Although i know that the thought isn't rational/sensible it is difficult to shake off though it does go away after a couple of hours or so.
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You know what, Tim? I have had such VIVID dreams of flying, of having the ability to levitate with mind control, float slightly above the ground, glide down flights of stairs in one stride --- and even levitate to a level about the crowds that they are in awe of me, everone watching. WOW, are those the GREATEST of all possible dreams!
Now usually I just enjoy them immensely, savour the memories - they bring me joy and a sense of wonder....
BUT BUT BUT there was a time of a number of days (weeks?) when the dreams seemed so real to me, that I was periodically CONVINCED that I could really do these things. CONVINCED. No, I didn't try to do it. I think I didn't want to face the evidence that I could not. But I was so convinced, that it came as a shock and surprise when, each time, I would consider what I knew about reality and had to recognize that I could truly not remember any particular time that was OBVIOUSLY not a dream.... It was a sad realization - it provoked feelings of wistfulness .. even of loss.
Did that mean I was psychotic? No, it didn't. It was a delusional mind set for a period of time when I must have had particular emotional needs that prompted me to deeply wish that I COULD fly. I COULD.
And while I am no psychic, here is what I might suspect is happening with the ornaments and stuffed animals when you imagine that they COULD come to life and talk WITH YOU... is that it might be that you are very lonely and need someone to live with you again (in time, in your time) --- or at least have someone safe, someone you can trust as a basically good person, a stable person who would not erratically and irrationally suddenly abandon and hurt you for not reason. Maybe someone who you could visit or who could visit with you.
You are not psychotic for even tho you EXPECT them to come to life, to visit with you, you can, at the same time, as I could to, realize that these thoughts were not rational or reasonable.
Teri .. bit more later..
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