We spent Friday at the hospital supposedly for his second chemo embolization, but they couldn't do it as his blood was/is critically thin from Warfarin so now this week will be checking his blood daily and as soon as it is back to normal, they will be doing the procedure the next day. Apparently the first one on the left side of his liver did stop the rapid growth though there was no shrinkage. When the doc examined him, he had a horrified look that he quickly covered. Luckily Greg didn't see it. Apparently the largest tumor in the right side of his liver has distended around his side and is pressing on his kidney which is what is causing him massive pain. It shocks me that a person can even have "dozens" of tumors in the liver, but he does. Miraculously once it moved from his colon to his liver, it has just stayed there and gone nowhere else.

All the hospice info and the link are very much appreciated. I did mention it to Greg. His look was sheer terror as he associated it with no hope (as did I before I had more info) He is definitely not ready to give up. I have told him whatever he chooses to do or feel is prefectly valid and fine with me. He woke me last night because he looked in the mirror and thought he looked yellow. He was very pale, but he was actually much more yellow last week, but he never noticed. My husband is only alive because of strength of will. Over four years ago, we were told he had 4-6 months. I am in awe of his determination and strength. He worked and led a basically normal life for most of that time - though he had lots of chemo and surgeries. The fear definitely comes through more often now, but he isn't ready to give up. I feel like I am walking a tightrope of trying to be positive, but also at the same time trying to make it ok if he is ready to quit.

Last week I just kept expecting to find him dead and tried to prepare myself for that. Apparently my mother did the same thing for years before my father did during heart surgery a few years ago. Now I actually think he might make it till the New Year.

I can't thank you all enough for taking the time to answer my post. I have reread every post several times. I have really missed this board and am very glad to have finally found it after such a long time.

This will be another tough week for me as I have my own oncologist appointment on Wed. Hopefully it will be nothing. I don't think I could handle any more right now. It will be horrible if they do end up doing Greg's surgically implanted chemo on Wed as my appt is too important to cancel, and I can't be in two places.

Thank you (though that word isn't big enough for how much I appreciate your posts),
Suzanne

By the way, the answer to where I live is Miami, but the problem with transportation is my pain, and having a driver who doesn't know that the tiniest, silliest, little things make it soooooo much worse is terrifying to me! People who drive me regularly (basically mom and husband) know to avoid manhole covers, potholes etc and approach stops VERY slowly, or I won't even be able to get out of the car. I imagine lots of people out there can relate to that!