Ok..I’m going to try this again but I’m taking Curious’ advice and am going to copy and paste it..
Because of the ice and the fact that I live 3 miles from work, the lady who calls BINGO on Thursday nights wasn’t able to come so I came up to do it. A dear sweet lady named Lilian played and actually won one of the rounds. Afterwards her and I were standing in front of the reception desk and she said she was very tired and wanted to go up, take a shower and call it an early evening.

I gave her a big hug told her I loved her and that I’d see her “tomorrow”. She told me she loved me to and gave me a hug back and up the elevator she went. Friday morning her home health nurse came to give her, her insulin shot and she was fully clothed lying on the bed with an empty pill bottle beside her.

I was probably the last person she talked to. I’ve played this scene over and over in my mind trying to see if she gave some indication of her plans. Something in her voice or some mannerism out of the ordinary, but there was nothing.
How can I be angry at somebody who was in constant pain and was tired of it?
She had no hope of relief. She needed a knee replacement, a hip replacement, but because of her heart condition, the doctors would not do it. She had arthritis in all fingers and toes and in her spine, and suffered from neuropathy pain from her diabetis.
When I first started working at Rivermont Retirement home I was in the alzheimers unit. At first I viewed death as a horrible thing, but the more I was around the elderly, I realized how much pain and suffering some of them were experiencing. I saw how much loneliness some of them had in their lives and understood just a little why death was a welcome relief.

I’m very saddened by Lilians death, but I know it was her only hope. When I was able to drive the residents to their doctors appointments, (before I broke my wrist), her and I had many conversations about life and how unfair it was to the elderly.
Rick knows Lilians daughter. He use to go to church with her. I don’t know how her and her husband are handeling Her mothers death. I do plan on going to the funeral. Not for sure when it is.

I guess I just needed to talk…. Especially to my friends who are so familiar with suicide.
I love you guys…. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers daily!!!!
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}