I'm sorry BJ....another brick wall.
You know what helps me when I'm really down?....doing something for someone else. I've served breakfast Sat. mornings for years at the Rescue Mission and when you see how appreciative those people off the street are, it really lifts you up.
How about visiting at a nursing home? Reading or writing letters with the residents....you were such a blessing to your own mother I'm sure there are patients who would love some attention from a woman with empathy.
Just wracking my brain here trying to come up with an idea that might help you get thru the holiday. Warm hugs....stay in touch.