I guess this is where I am now on this journey...

Healing After the Suicide of a Loved One.

"As your pain subsides, and it will, you will find that you have learned a great many things. You now know more about suicide, what comes before it, what comes after it, and how its side effects touch the lives of its survivors for years to come. Through the introspection that accompanies mourning, through contemplation and observation, you have gradually become a student of suicidology. Many survivors find that sharing what they have learned is important to their healing.

A major premise of the self-help movement (which includes survivor groups) is that by sharing your story, experiences, hope and strength with others, you can reinforce your own growth and healing. When you are going through a difficult time, it may seem that you are not making any progress. One day seems like the one that came before it with no respite in sight. When you speak with someone who is newer to the journey than you are, you can see how far you really have come. You are making progress after all. If you can see that you have already made some changes, then you can believe that continued growth is possible."

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from the chapter Helping Others: Using What You Know...by Ann Smolin, C.S.W., and John Guinan, PH.D.

This is an excellent sensitive book and says it far better than I ever could.