I have a little bit of time before I clean myself up to get my VEEG results. Yes, I know it's been a month and I didn't get results. I had gotten an Epileptologist, she is the one who ordered the VEEG due to some recent episodes that had finally touched the last nerve with me. She works -a lot- she's in her office around 6 hours, and then spends several more hours in the Epilepsy Center where the VEEGs are done as well as the surgery patients, recovery, etc. She reads and does the VEEG transcripts as well, so I'm ok with waiting a month - she has a lot on her plate.

Anyway, my boost in Keppra (ugh) seems to have lessened the cycle-related seizures some. I still have them, but not as severe. The downside, is I am bordering a GM once a week. I may sound weird, but I personally prefer a GM over my other seizures since my others seem to be coming from my parietal lobe which brings pain. I have a high pain tolerance, but I have my limits - this pain exceeds those limits. At least for my GM I have auras most of the time and can find a safe spot until I finish, then I go to bed. I'm out cold to miss any pain (I don't bite much, normally get the sides but they are so tough they don't bug me much).

I've been given the unfortunate label that we all hate: "Uncontrolled Seizures". We all know what it means, and no-one likes it. Somewhere in those letters it represents a loss of independence, and I hate that feeling.

My Epi offered me anti-depressants when we first met, and I think she kind of looked at me the wrong way. I was in such a panic to talk fast (I'm used to having 10 minutes to say my lines and then my time is up) that I may have came off as a total spaz. Then I was working so hard (mentally) to do the tests well that I started crying because I couldn't remember the three words she told me to. I explained, "I'm not depressed, I am angry". I think being angry or frustrated is easily justified under those circumstances.

Anyway, on to the update of my 'stuff'.

I still have my GMs, sometimes once a month - sometimes 2-4 times. It's random.

My catamenial seizures (of sorts) are associated somehow with my parietal lobe as the seizures are the same. I assume my cycle triggers these now instead of GM's.

The seizures from my parietal lobe give off many various sensations, I have a lot of numbness in random spots (my face, hands, feet, butt, breasts, etc), I also have tingling (random spots, also) and then electrical shocks (damn those).

Amazing as it sounds, I have been shocked before when I was trying to rig a light for a squirrel cage, it came undone and I was holding the two live wires. The actual shocking sensation is very similar to being shocked (I know, weird!), however, the pain is worse. It feels like nerve pain, if anyone has sciatica, they will know that. This is like having the worst sciatica day and the pain is anywhere in your body, your face, feet, etc. Whatever it is, I hate it.

I've been having aching feet, but that could be from various things.

Right now, my most random thing is visible muscle twitches and cramps. I will watch my face, hands, arms, legs, stomach, etc. twitch. Like a moth is fluttering under my skin. The area in question is typically the size of a half dollar up to the size of a playing card. This can last from 5 minutes up to an hour. It doesn't hurt, it's just weird and kind of gross.

The cramps are the same, I can see the muscle bouncing and then BAM it turns into a lump the size of a golfball. Oh boy, does it hurt. This happened just below my rib cage in the center (between my breasts but lower than ribs) and it looked so gross and felt like hell. It's like a charlie horse cramp, but in a weird place. Something similar happened to my hands, they warped into this weird position. I am amazed my fingers didn't break due to the positions they were in.

Hopefully today she has something good to say. I miss working, and I miss staying awake all day. I've been having so many frequent auras for my GMs (but they don't turn into GM's) that I have been much more exhausted than normal.

I had a good couple of weeks, and got into this mindset nothing was wrong with me. Like a moron, I stopped my pills. Don't do that, by the way. It was a stupid decision I made, and I won't do it again.

I'm going to try a bit of a lifestyle change after the new year in regards to a more epilepsy friendly exercise. A lot of activity is a trigger for me, so in a way - I want to test out building up my tolerance in a way. Starting very very small and then working up slowly. I'm hopeful this will help me gain weight, as well.

My doctors wont let me do anything until my blood pressure is under control. They said I ran dangerously low blood pressure for an entire week and looking back at my charts, those seem to be the same. I know mine is low, always have - but I don't know much about it to even start guessing why it's that way.

Anyway, I'll update this again once I hear something.