I am truly sorry you are feeling so down, and that you feel so neglected by "the forum at large" as to desire to leave. Of course you do have the prerogative of changing your mind - and i sincerely hope you will use it!

I am guilty of not reading all threads all of the time. Also my response style is seldom that of a simple smiley face, even when that alone might go a long way. Another thing is that it might take me a long time to compose a response, depending on what i feel or what i need to say... how easily it is shaped in my head. In my personal communications this leads to lapses where i might write frequently and off the cuff at times; at other times there may be a pregnant pause lasting weeks... perhaps because of just one thing - large or small - that has got me stuck on how to reply.

...ON FORUM DYNAMICS...

Relating to the post. A long time ago, a long-standing and still current member of this forum advised me - then a newbie - to respond only if i felt inclined and when i could relate to the post. that was how this person approached it. i considered it. i found it was a useful approach for me as well.

Simple hugs and smilies. I see many responses which, quite frankly, i do not feel show much depth. i am not judging there to be a lot or a little depth; i am simply saying that in many posts i see, it is not apparent, so i would venture that at least some are fairly superficial. now a superficial smiley face or hugs might make someone feel better, but it would make me feel like doo-doo to make a post like that. Others are not like me and may not feel like doo-doo when issuing a smiley face or hugs, even if there is not much depth or understanding... there may be just enough that they go ahead and say, this person needs a smiley face, and fire one off. And the attention alone may do the recipient a lot of good. But not everyone posts this way, and it is not a better or worse way to do things. Each poster/responder needs to be comfortable with his/her degree of depth.

Responding to none, to some - which? or to all. I used to be very cautious about responding to "priority threads" until i found that sometimes, when i was overwhelmed by time, emotional, or other personal issues, i simply could not handle more than so many... and so as not to be unfair to any one, would defer ALL POSTING. I no longer do this. I grab stuff not quite at random, but i respond to what i can respond to, at any one time, and that is it, period. Anyone is free to judge me negatively for my posting style/ethic. It is just what it is. It is necessary for me. It leaves me air to breathe.

It uses the oxygen mask principle - when flying - if the cabin pressure drops, an oxygen mask will be lowered from the compartment over your heads. Place the oxygen mask over your head and breathe normally. Always apply your own oxygen mask before assisting children or disabled passengers.

The reason for this is if you choke to death while trying to get a mask over a struggling 2 year-old, both you AND the two year old will die. Once you have your mask on, you have the time, the air, and hence the forces necessary, to restrain the two year old if necessary, ask for additional help. In order to help others, we must first be in reasonable shape ourselves.

Expressing need... and hearing need. Several years ago, had this been my thread, i might have felt pretty rejected by the lack of responses early on. It was a frequent problem for me. In discussing the issue privately with another forum member, i was also told that i had a way of sounding very nonchalant about things. (This was an observation explicitly about me; nonchalant is not a word i would use to describe this thread.) I noticed others would say very explicit things like "i need your help guys." Well, i had/have a hard time saying such things, especially over and over.

Another thing i noticed myself was that, whereas i would often let my own "needy" threads drop in dejected abandon... others who had "needy" threads would keep posting to their OWN threads, and they would then get replies while my threads kept sinking. This difference in posting style/frequency alone can make it or break it as far as getting responses.

Anyway, to sum up these two factors from my newbie days... 1) while *I* thought my posts expressed need, *others* seemed not to hear the need. The expression of need does not guarantee that it will be heard. How it is done comes into play. 2) i myself noticed objective differences in my posting style/frequency vs. that of others, differences which easily explained the relative difference in number responses received by others as opposed to by me... even when i felt horrid.

These were my experiences. I offer them as food for thought.

......


Barbara

With regard to your Pity Party thread, I shall tell you - i saw your first post, but not the second. I would have most likely responded to the second, but i did not open the thread again until now. I did not respond to the first because i could not relate to it but also did not interpret it as a cry for help. I didn't know what to say. It didn't even sound like you needed a smiley face ... i would not have been sure what face to put there... i just didn't get it. I don't feel guilty for that. It is just how it is. We don't all "get things" all the time.

As for urgencies there have been a few on the forum, including of medical character. I have yet to reply to a PM - of medical character. If i were up and on the ball with my PM's, that would be the first one to get sent. I'm not. Nor am i up and on the ball with emails. I have been IMing some and it breaks me almost every time. Now, with the work application pending, things are even tighter for me.

I have not posted about my "issues" lately, excepting the respiratory ones. That is not to say i don't have any. I do. I just don't feel like sharing. But one should not assume that just because i don't share, and i have fairly upbeat posts, that i am 100% ok on top of the world. My own oxygen mask... has a loose elastic, you could say... i have to watch myself.

I would have responded to your second message, had i seen it, because you do sound so down, even though I still I do not "hear" that one as a cry for help. However, due to the nature of the first post, and my total inability to relate to it, i did not visit the thread again... until now.

I hope you will consider the possibility that others too may not have realized how much you needed our support/responses - they may not have "heard it" in your post.

I hope you will not judge my haphazard participation, or in some way reflect it on yourself. it reflects only my own struggle with life right now.

I also want to point out that many supportive members are away:
Donna is out for surgery.
Nikko is out with back pain and upcoming surgery.
DiMarie is AWOL not sure where she is.
Pamster as best i know is working on her writing.
BJ is AWOL and last we know in a great deal of pain and post-op therapy.
Abbie was in the pit but last heard seemed in a mixed mood (worrisome!)

Except for the last, none are bipolar issues - but their threads were not chit-chat either.

Please read Bizi's Toltec thread. It gives some good insights.

Sorry for the long post. I hope to have clarified some things and perhaps lightened how you might feel about the forum's recent engagement with you in your reaching out thread.

I do hope you feel better soon. It would be good if you would share more of how you are... and as you mention bipolar... bipolar-wise too. Have you talked to your pdoc about meds... perhaps an adjustment is necessary? Anniversaries of grief can warrant a short term treatment on ADs sometimes it can help. (now you just know i had to go and say SOMETHING pharmaceutical, right? And I'm not even a Pfizer rep! )

Anyway, if you keep posting, I will check in on you, ok?

~ waves ~