I have no words of wisdom.

I have no pithy sayings, for when they call drunk and pleading.

all I have is a hole in my heart, because I decided NEVER to be a co-dependent again.

I decided to STOP being a listening post, constantly absorbing their pain, and tolerating their verbal abuse, while offering sympathy and understanding.

I decided that I must take care of myself and my children first.

painful, but necessary, with my MS, but it had to be done.

and now I regret it, because my brother is dead.

two years ago, Daniel drank himself into a coma, swallowed his own vomit, and asphyxiated.

by then, I hadn't spoken to him for several years.

I did everything I could, interventions, letting him (and his 2 kids) stay with us, untold thousands of hours of phone calls, helped him through two divorces, babysat for days at a time, helped him move house, bought hiim food, paid his bills, until I was so frazzled I couldn't see straight.

I'm a good co-dependent.

my ten-year relationship with Mark went down the toilet because he couldn't stop drinking beer... and I'm not talking a little, this is two to four six packs a NIGHT !!

Mark blamed his drinking on me, saying that he felt helpless watching the MS eat away at my body, my brain, and my life... and almost had me convinced it was all my fault.... so I finally left him, in 1996.

my sister Karen was a junkie, and now calls herself "clean" because now she only abuses Rx meds and booze (*sigh*)

I bailed her out of jail, let her stay with me, until she overdosed on my meds (what kind of sister STEALS your medicines?), then I tossed her into the hospital, and have never spoken to her again...

Karen knows that I am here for her, and that I LOVE her always, but I just cannot DO any more for her, she has to help herself.

my mother was a boozer for 20 years... MOM pulled herself out of it, with her own bootstraps, and the help of AA... and went on to have a good life, free from the albatross of alcohol.

Mom became my best friend, guiding me through all the MRIs and med decisions, and became my pillar of strength.

Mom passed away from lung cancer in 1998... so, after all that work to get clean and sober, she succumbs to another addiction, cigarettes.



so, you can SEE why I have no words of wisdom, only confusion, pain, loss, and heartbreak.

prayers for you Melody, and your friend... that's all I can offer.