spiders scared the bejesus out of her
made her cry and shake and shhhhhivvvvver

so why did she put a spider in an old mayonnaise jar with holes punced in the tim lid with a penny nail and a hammer
holding her mouth just so and with a defiant flip of her hair
stand on a tipsy stool to shove the jar far back into the dark of her closet

during the public celebration on the television
while her mother chided her to come watch for pete's sake
she tiptoed back to her room several times
checking on the little black guy
at least she hoped it was black-it did not look gray-
and it was darker than brown
oh yeah it was not brown
certainly not brown

brown was the color of the spider who had killed her cousin
she had seen everyone crying and knew her cousin had gone to Jesus
But no one would tell her why
and once she heard one of the aunts whispering to the other one
"be sure you don't speak about it in front of the c-h-i-l-d, you know how dramatic she gets and how she will just add this to the list of the things she worries herself to a frazzle about"

but finally she broke down her mother's will
she had enough practice doing that after all
and her mother had told her-a spider bit your cousin, Sweetie and God called her home

well, how could her cousin die at a time like this
with the 4th of July parade next week
and they had both already decorated their bikes
and their moms had sat together under the tree in the back yard and picked out the wanuts for the cookies to take to the park after the parade
wait? what? what? a spider? one of those leggy, crawling things that her mother had always told her were n.o.t. dangerous
so sit down, and be quiet
it was dangerous? it took her cousin away from her, and worst of all made her cousin have to get put down in a hole in the cemetery, their worst shared nightmare

so why is the spider sitting in her closet?
why does she leave the closet door open at night in the dark?
why does she will herself to look at it again and again in the daylight?

does she know somehow that only by facing it again and again and again and again
she will finally be free of its danger?


~

Tag: tools or toys or keys