I'm not going to put that thing to my chest ever again. We all think we are doctors when we do that and we all imagine a lot of stuff.

My big anxiety in my life has always been dental phobia. I NEVER WENT. Not unless I HAD TO!!!! It's a horrible phobia.
But last year, I found my "good guy" a dental phobia specialist in New York City.

Now I'm still afraid of the dentist. I still have to take a small amount of xanax before I go to an appointment, BUT I GO TO MY APPOINTMENT. I've kept 3 of them since I found this guy.

I smile now. With confidence.

Phobias rule your life and tear you apart.

Right now, I'm having a spell of depression because of my son and because of Christmas and because my close friend is dying of Stage 3 lung cancer and because my other close friend of 46 years stabbed me in the back 8 months ago.

It all hits me now because of Christmas. Christmas is about getting together with the people you are closest to. I only have Alan and some acquaintances. I don't call them friends.

I'll get through this like I got through the other 5 Christmases. But then, I had my two friends. I only hope the friend with lung cancer makes it through Christmas. She is such a dear. She had radiation pellets implanted in her chest 7months ago and then her grown kids wouldn't go near her, wouldn't let her in the same room as the grandchildren and well, it was a mess.

And to top it off she's anorexic and has been since she's 14. Imagine, battling cancer and anorexia at the same time. She won't eat. It's a mind-set thing. The doctors are throwing up their hands. She weighs 100 lbs. But she's been through 2 bouts of radiation and 2 bouts of chemo and she has to do more chemo because it spread. I think of her and her bravery and I say to myself "and YOU'RE DEPRESSED???

jeez. What some people go through. But she is very religious and goes to mass each morning so thank goodness for that.

Please excuse my rambling. I'm sure I'll be more normal after January 3rd. 2007. I always am a few days after the holidays are over.

Merry Merry everybody

Melody