Nikki-Would it be possible for you to stay there for awhile-a few days for example? Until he is kid of settled in. Have them give you a cot for the night.
And then you could spend increasingly amounts of time in the lounge-checking on him whenever you felt you needed to or wanted to. And then gradually spending more and more time away from the facility. maybe at first-just drive down to a nearby coffee shop for a snack. And gradually increase it until you felt like staying home overnight.
I always felt better leaving copious notes written out legibly and organized into subjects. Even if the caregivers did not read them, it showed them how much I cared and I think that made them take a little special care.
Having them use blankets and pillows from home made
me feel better anyway. They looked more comfy and tucked in.
There always comes a time (and I know this both sides-as the family member who felt it-and as the nurse who saw the recognition in a family member's eye as to what just happened) when a loved one who was totally dependent on a family caregiver, suddenly grabs for the hand of the professional caregiver or leans into them for comfort or support or just simply has a fairly good day, considering~~~and a flash of jealousy and resentment snaps throught the air~~~"wait, that is my place". But it seems like soon after that is when you can feel like-"You know what? It's O.K. They are there for them. And that's O.K. I want them to be there for them."
One thing that might help is to not forget that you have options. Go day by day. The first day that you leave him, you will not be leaving him there forever. You are leaving him there for that day because that is the best choice
that day. Then the next day, you are leaving him their for that day. It's not just semantics, it is the reality.
I think the fact that they are willing to not hospitalize for exacerbations will make all the difference in the world in terms of comfort and continuity of care.
Your dear hubby would not have wished this courageous job on you for the world-but he would be very proud of you for doing it.
