Dear Nikki,

I wanted to answer your questions as best I could and to do so, I've done it in point form. I thought that might be easier.

* Do they adjust? Yes, they do. Some adjust quickly... Some in a few days, some take a week or two, but they all adjust..... I promise you!

*What will they do if he cries? If it's a good establishment (and it sounds like the one you're talking about is.....) some-one will sit with him. They'll hold his hand and/or rub his forehead, and they'll say comforting words. I used to cuddle them.... make them feel loved because unfortnately lots didn't realise I wasn't one of the people that they knew.

Each establishment has differing ways to comfort their residents. I cannot say how this place will do so, but I think if you ask Goofy... She'll tell you. The basics are pretty well world wide.

*Is there a game plan? Yes there will be. You need to have input for the plan that's created for Lynn, and you need to be a big part of that plan if it's going to work for the two of you. Only you know what he likes.... What calms him.... What upsets him. These things are important to working out all the criteria that will ensure an easy transition for him ....and for you!

*Will they divert him? Yes Nikki...they will. As much as you have tried to maintain a home, and be a wife and "mother' to Lynn, I doubt that you've ever had many spare minutes to entertain him, or yourself for that matter.

Most of the units like the one Lynn will go to, have occupational therapists (that's what they're called here in Oz), to entertain the residents of the facility. These are people employed to make sure clients like your Lynn get the best care they can.........and that also means making them feel at home, and keeping them occupied to prevent boredom.



As you can see, I'm not just talking nursing care... I'm talking about self respect. About entertainment, about making your darling feel a part of the community, even if that community is a dementia unit.

The good units usually allow family members to be part of planning their relative's care plan. They do it without trying to belittle any attempts by the family at making their loved one's transition as painless as possible.

Nobody blames you Nikki, in fact many of us are astounded at the wonderful job you have already done. Many of us are questioning ourselves.... Wondering if we could function at the same exceptional pace as you have.

Dear sweet Nikki. The time appears to be right for Lynn to move, even though you're not ready. I understand, I really do, but the Lord has intervened in this Nikki. It's up to you now whether you take His advice or not.

Sending you hugs at this very difficult time, and please know Nikki that most of us understand the emotional pain you're going through right now, trying to make that decision.