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In Remembrance
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: SE Kansas.
Posts: 374
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In Remembrance
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: SE Kansas.
Posts: 374
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Hi again Lisa,
I really am too tired to try to reply right now, but this seems to be my day for saying things wrong, otherwise you would not have thought I was offended by what you wrote.
I will say that I know I will never overcome depression, but feel I can manage it with medications. My problem is that I do still cling to the pain from her infidelities; despite trying everything I can think of to release it.
I spent time trying to really understand what forgiveness is, and know that I need it more the she does. At one point I thought I had achieved it, but it was just another way of pretending. I want to learn how. I have forgiven others, but this has been too big for me.
As a trained psychotherapist, I don't believe psychotherapy can help with PTSD, all of the evidence points away from that.
There is a therapy called cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), which uses desensitization (if you are terrified of snakes, take slow steps in overcoming that fear until you can finally at least be close to one behind a glass window; whatever the problem, if it is seriously affecting you, keep taking small steps toward solving it enough to live with it.
I tried CBT, but even the first tiny step filled me with such immense pain I couldn't continue. It is my problem and I have to find a way to live with it; thus far I haven't.
Anyway, as I said, if I could find a way to write something before the thoughts and feelings could interrupt it, I would have my reason to want to live. Thus far, that too has been impossible for me.
Finally, even though I would not mind dying today, some jerk said you can't be killed until you fulfill your purpose in life. My only purpose is to write abou RSD and help you and others learn there is real hope, so if he's right, I have to do something to overcome my PROBLEM, before I can die. If I can do that, and barring some terminal disease or a nursing home, I won't have a reason to want to die. Not now and not in Jan of 2008...Vic
PS: My GPA during my last two years of college (after I was injured in '79), was 3,915. Two "B's" can kill you when you only have 60 hours left. I wasn't dumb, I was a very badly damaged kid...
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