My abuse counselor appointment today went really well. She kept asking me about me why I don't seem to show my emotions. She eased into it though and got me to thinking about how I feel indifferent during my days and it all seems to catch up to me at night when I go to bed. She made me see how I was taught or punished for showing my emotions as far back as my childhood. She made me see it is okay and healthy to feel those emotions all through out the day.

When I started talking about my older brother and my sister-in-laws I started to feel the anger about how they either screwed me over or hurt me. My therapist asked what I was feeling and I said anger. She asked me if it was okay to feel that way. I could see it was okay to feel that way from the way she led me up to that point in our discussion. She asked me why it is okay and I forgot what I said but the most important of all I think is another reason she added to why it was okay to feel like that. She told me it is because I deserve to be treated better. I almost cried because then because that is so true but yet so hard for me to still realize. But here was this very young student counselor who had hit it on the head what I have been wanting to work on all this time and yet still not being able to believe that I do deserve better.


befuddled2