on everything. I've missed 2 night classes in a row now due to 2 different people not being able to take me. I have night blindness. I wasted all that money. My lawyer has let me down and I'm tired of trying to get her to respond to me. I go to court with my landlord tomorrow and then I go to court with my next door neighbor in 3 weeks. I'm just so fed up with everything being hard on me and things not working out. I just want to forget everything and not worry about ever getting trained for a job. Sometimes being everyone's dormat doesn't seem all that bad now. I hate having to make all the decisions, be the only one I can depend on while others let me down. I'm just going to give up and call Welfare this week and see what help I can get. If trying to get to class for training for a job is impossible than actually making a living would also be impossible. I'll hit all the food banks in town and drink beer with my check like a lot do here where I live. I'm tired of trying to make my own way. I don't think I was meant to do better with my life. Drinking is fun so maybe that's the life I am destined to live. Drinking is the only thing that makes me not care. It's when I care that I can not deal. I can't deal with the way my life is turning out. I'm sure my landlord will try to get me removed from my apartment somehow. I don't care. That's why I plan to calll Welfare up and tell them I need their help. If they can't help I don't know what I'll do.