Didn't know where to put this, but just wondered if anyone had any comments for me. I am not asking for sympathy or anything at all like that. I'm really asking if I'm being delusional about something because I feel as if I've been placed in a really uncomfortable and weird situation and I think I'm doing the right thing and that's what I think is important but I have people who are second-guessing my decision and the more they do this, the more I think maybe I've got it wrong or am in some sort of denial or something. Well, I don't really, but that's what the suggestion is. I'll try to make it brief.

So when I was very little, my mother died and I was taken away to live with some relatives of my father. I don't remember her at all. I know nothing about her except that she was very beautiful and very tall. Not much to go on, but hey, that's all there is. My relatives where I went to live didn't ever mention her, never talked about her, nothing. It was one of those situations where these people believed that talking about things only made sadness worse. bulldust. I lived my life feeling as if I'd been dropped off from another planet.

Anyway, about 2 years ago some relative of my mother tried to make contact with me through my ex-husband. He passed on the message to me and I let it go. 2 days ago another relative of my mother contacted my ex-husband asking for my address and details. I've lived my whole life dealing with what I was dealt and doing it alone. It's not always been easy, but I keep thinking... why on earth would these people be finally making contact with me after almost 1/2 a century? Why leave it till now?

So, I don't remember my mother at all. I do not know these people and I really do not want to have contact. I see that as quite understandable and yet, I get the feeling that I'm the only person who thinks that and it's starting to annoy the heck out of me. It's making me angry.

I spent my whole lifetime dealing with certain issues about having no parents. Because I don't have memories of my mother, and only a few of my father, I arrived at a place very, very early in my life where I realized there was only me and that was just the way it was and I had to build on that. I wish to keep things intact, if you know what I mean. I don't want some people who I don't know and never have known coming into my life and messing with my mind after all this time just because they are somehow related. It's not that simple.

I just don't undertand their motives and keep thinking that perhaps someone is ill or dying or something and they need to make contact for that sort of reason, but I just don't get it. I'm also angry that they keep contacting my ex-husband who couldn't care less about any of that. It's a total invasion of privacy I feel. The messages have been passed on to me and that was that. I didn't expect to have this continue on for the rest of my days.

So, that's the very short version, but the basics are sometimes clearer. I don't wish to have contact and I feel that's my right. Does that make sense?