It's disappointing to keep being reminded that I obviously STILL haven't accepted all the ramifications of this. You'd think by now--over three years since diagnosis--that I could at least be close to "this is the way things are now, I'm going to make the best of it".

Today we're going grocery shopping. I still can't get my mind around the idea that this isn't something I can essentially do before breakfast and then get on with my "real" day.

I'm about halfway through double-checking the cupboards, rounding up my coupons, getting my list organized so that there's no backtracking, re-negotiating the menu for the next few days.

Then I'll get dressed, make sure my stomach and bladder agree that it's time to go, get my boots and coat on, get down to the garage and into the car. Off we go.

It's only a half hour drive each way, but after the grocery store and the drugstore (with all of their sights and sounds and thinking and so on), climbing in and out of the car, stopping for the mail, putting the groceries away, etc. it will be lunchtime and I will be toast.

You'd think I would be used to this by now, but it still surprises and offends me every time I remember that it takes a whole day's worth of energy to run into town and get a few groceries. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever get past it.