Mari, you ask, what is the chance of 1) getting stable/recovering, 2) markedly reducing meds and 3) graduating to no longer needing this board..

I think there is a good chance of getting much more stable with 1) reduction and control of stress in your life, 2) becoming aware of triggers so you can either avoid them, reduce their impact or get ready to see your doc, therapist or tweak your meds, 3) becoming aware of the EARLY signs of a mood swing. Having the right kinds of psychotherapies can, we are told, help. And those types of therapy involved teaching different ways of thinking about and reacting to things that happen around us and to us. Triggers.

Reducing meds? Who can tell when your brain is different from my brain which is different from the next brain. We are all very well acquainted with the fact that -with many of us- our responses to our meds tend to fluctuate over time as -presumably- our brain gets "used to" the pharmacy correction and "finds a way around." None of this is for sure, but research being done. I know that one of the persons left on nothing more than a miniscule amount of Prozac. I have periodically cut back to JUST Lamictal or JUST an AD --- but each time, eventually, I have either entered a depression and needed to up my AD or noticed myself acting just a bit more like a teenager - always my "clue" ...

Reducing meds? When I was on Xyprexa and gaining weight like a placid feedlot cow, I wanted off it. When I was on Geodon and couldn't drive and having panic attacks, I wanted off it. When I was having previously NEVER KNOWN rages on other meds, I wanted off them. But my current meds MAKE ME FEEL NORMAL and I do NOT want to even contemplate "getting off them" when I think of all the years I lived without them.

Reducing meds? I would NOT want to reduce meds if my quality of life lessens. If I get more impulsive. If my interpersonal relationships suffer.

As far as "leaving this board"?? I don't come here every day. When I am here, I don't read every thread. I prefer having this group, even if I don't contribute as much as I think I should. I can find comfort and group identity -- especially concerning how my family has responded to my DIAGNOSIS (even tho I have been "me" my whole life and even tho I am a MUCH calmer, more stable person since my diagnosis) since I am officially "the crazy one". It is rough and it is NOT what I expected at all. I LIKE the fact that others know where I am emotionally about that. Who else but a group of BiPolars know what it is like to be labeled bipolar in this world? When a mod decided I was out, I had absolutely NO peer group for over a year. And it was hard.

So I never daydream about those kinds of things ...I am just too blessed by what I have gained by 1) having the diagnosis, 2) having meds and 3) having this group.

I hope as you approach Christmas and count all your blessings, any of us who have any sense of shame and unworthiness about being bipolar, and toss those feelings in the trash. There ARE worse things than bipolar. We could have AIDS like my dead brother or Cancer like my family members who have died from cancer, or disabling diabetes like my dad who might lose a leg to gangrene eventually. Or we could be hopelessly schizophrenic, unable to function in society, or an autistic adult whose parents have died and who now is dependent of the state to house and feed and clothe him. Or we could be homeless. Wheeling a shopping basket with all our worldly goods, living in doorways or over heating vents. Accepting charitable coats and blankets and overnight housing in this weather. Hoping we can get transportation to the community charity Holiday meal in our city -- if we LIVE in city that has one

And as for my idea of "having a vacation from Bipolar"? Why, I've experienced that every day since I got on the right meds for me. I am having to learn life skills I never ever learned and life skills that I have lost during the years of illness... and when I finish my interrupted education, that will be a red letter day indeed. But every day is a gift to me now. I have a constant friend for almost all of 8 years now, in another two months. Never in my entire life have I have had a friend that long. Ever.