((BlueMajo)) Please never feel sorry for posting what you feel, what is in your heart. That takes GREAT courage, and is something you should be proud of Reaching out, takes more strength than keeping it buried. I am glad you were able to feel safe enough here to reach out

I am sorry for all the pain you are feeling, physical and emotional It must be difficult feeling as you are and not having your family support. You have family right here, and we will help you in any way we can

I know nothing of the health care plans where you live, but most places do offer assistance to those who can not afford medical care. Is there anything like that you can look into?

I wish I was in a better place right now myself so I could try to spin you a world of pixies and rainbows. From your post, I gather you have had these feelings before? What were you able to do to get yourself out of this funk? Is there anything I/we can do to help? Sometimes, just knowing you are not alone, and that other people will simply listen to you is so valuable. We are really great listeners here

Keeping you in my thoughts ((Blue)) Nikki