Blu Mayo

gosh...your post struck me at my core a bit...hating to look at "ME" in the mirror is what I went through for a few years...

hating "myself", questioning if "God" exists or if he listens, wanting to just quit, not getting along with family, being alone and single for many years...

I can feel you, girl...

I like what Jo says about writing it out and venting. To me, that's one way of releasing and if you post it and feel like you need to delete it. The mods are always very helpful in helping deleting it for you.

your family being ignorant of depression and suicide is not that uncommon amongst other families. I think it is always easier for people to digest OTHER people's family and other people's depressions, but when it comes to their own, they have a hard time accepting it because we all tend to think that we're NORMAL...

my father didn't accepted the fact that I have TS until the day he died...

I also am with Twinks, sleeping will help. (I know I should sleep more...)

there sounds like so many complications with you. And as David would say,baby steps...

I think your taking the exams and getting that done is one of the first steps no matter how frustrating. Then, getting that nice job after your graduation (I think you're going to be a Bio Engineer?? ) will help you.

one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn is to LOVE myself...(I am at the like stage...but I like the way I am going)

I find out that when I hate myself, the rest of the world hates me too (not true, it was my OWN perception because I DIDN'T LIKED MYSELF THUS I THINK NO ONE LIKES ME).

When we don't like ourselves, it is actually hard to accept that others would love us or care about us....it is a catch 22....

we feel like we need to be loved first before we can love ourselves yet we have to love ourselves before we can FEEL the love....

where you mentioned that everybody is tired of you is probably a perception that you feel because you don't have that self-love and you are tired of yourself first...then, it is easy to project that onto others...

well, WE all care.... ((((BIG HUGS))))

can you look into a health care system that would help in your area?? Not familiar with what you've got there in your area...

try to take small steps...

and like everyone's said, we're here for you....

((((BIG HUGS)))))