((tena)) ((steve)) you are both so sweet and I thank you for reaching out to me. I know you all just want to help, and I am grateful. I wish I could find the peace and comfort you speak of. I have searched, am still searching, but it is nowhere to be found.

They say God is closest to the broken hearted. Dad use to say, the trouble is, the broken hearted were in too much pain to see Him. That is where I am right now.

It is hard to forgive Dad. I loved him so much, it pains me deeply to be this angry with him. It pains me that I can't forgive him. Yet, how can I, when I see the wreckage, the hell he has left behind?

My family is falling apart.

Not one day has gone by that one or all of us is not sobbing.

Everyone who saw him, is traumatized for life.

Even those who didn't, might as well have, for the nightmares that keep them up.

I can't see snow, without seeing HIM in that snow.

I can't see snow without violently throwing up.

Every single one of his children is now severely depressed.

Two of his children who never had suicidal thoughts, now do..

All because of the pain their father inflicted upon them.

And that is just SOME of the hell he left his children in, plus there are many other lives he destroyed, his wife, his siblings, his grandchildren......

How can one justify ending one persons pain, when it leaves so many others in a living hell?

I am raw, maybe too raw to be posting.