Sometimes we wear anger like a coat-we are afraid without it there will nothing between us and the pain-not even skin. But if we take off the anger-and stand there unprotected- s o m e t i m e s some other feelings can cover our pain for a few moments-and sometimes those moments might stretch into minutes, then hours.

There seems to be so many reasons I want to keep the anger-it is a shield-it seems to be a necessary answer to needless pain-it would be homogenizing what happened, marginalizing it, to not have a great amount of anger-the anger validates how huge the tragedy is-anger creates adrenaline and I can use the adrenaline to have enough energy to live, to deal, to do what needs to be done.

But I am telling myself it is worth the risk of more pain-to take the anger off and set it aside for a moment so I can feel some more fragile things like memories of happier times or appreciation or even something as simple as goodwill.

If it is impossible to handle life without it-I can always quickly reach for the anger again-I'm sure it won't be far away.